There are many firsts in a mummys life,
I feel brand new sometimes, like everything I experienced before was nothing but a shadow of my true experiences now.
This one I’m proud of my first night out without baby.
It was my brothers’ birthday AND we were celebrating his PhD
a totally fabulous event and there was no way I could miss out.
To make matters better, baby was in the BEST care in our home with my mum, dad, uncles, aunts and cousins!
She was surrounded by love and care.
So I walked away with very little goodbyes and had a great night out.
You know the kind were you’re dancing so much people aren’t sure if you were truly sober or not: p
I honestly had a wonderful time
I missed my baby in the car
I missed her when we got home
I missed her in shower
I missed her in bed..
in fact I barely slept
To make matters worse my breasts clearly missed her too because they HURT LIKE HELL.
Ella is almost 9 months old and she eats solids all day long, but she is still breastfeeding for comfort and habit.
AND I have never been away from her for more than 3/4 hours max (and that was only one time).
I know it sounds excessive, but I live in Sweden where I am privileged to have one year of paid maternity leave so I truly spend all my time with this little girl of mine, as I know it is precious..
anyhoo the bottom line is , it went well really well I know it was important developmentally and emotionally.
Nonetheless I’m still feeling that guilt that I’ve only felt as a mother.
I’ve always lived my life with no regrets but with the birth of my child I’ve developed a sense of possessiveness and insecurities around her which I’m happy to report are totally normal.
My midwife has assured me that our need to protect our kids is heightened to the max leaving mummies feeling like aggressive mama tigresses! lol
The first few days was a whirlwind of emotion and now it’s completely different because baby doesn’t just need me, she wants me..she will cling and clamour for me and pull her lip with her big round eyes pulling every single guilty string of your heart.